Posts Tagged ‘relationships’


cindy radioActually we were both on the radio yesterday.  Well sort of.  We recorded two hours of discussion on marriage and divorce.  Cindy and I are both christian and on our second marriage.  In a lot of church circles this is not just a taboo subject to speak of but also a taboo thing to do.

Getting married a second time is just something that is not talked about in the church. Well during this radio show we discuss our personal stories of marriage and divorce.  We also touch on the subject of abuse in the church, which is our main focus in our ministry.

We sure had a lot of fun! Two hours was over in a flash.

I will post links as they are made available. In the meantime if you want to hear other recordings of Cindy discussing abuse, visit our website at  Hurtbylove.com

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At my church like many other churches they have a Men’s Ministry group, although I feel the name should be changed to “Men that Minister.” Anyway, I am always baffled when I am around men and they comment about how they seem to have a hard time connecting with their wives. Or when they share their displeasure of their marriage to me. This happened a long time ago in case someone is lurking and being nosy.

Now, first of all I must let it be known that I certainly do not occupy the corner of the market on wisdom in marriage, nor am I an expert on anything but knowing one thing for sure and that is that Christ came for restoration, and that we should seek restoration in all relationships if possible. I say “if possible” because it takes two too tango. Free will is involved. But when two persons will is to be restored and they seek the great Restorer then all things are possible.

Speaking to men – You can’t tell me that you don’t know how to relate to your wife, or that you don’t have time for her or the kids because you are always working. Listen guys, I know that you had plenty of time for her when you pursued her before you were married. I know that on some nights you got maybe three hours of sleep before work the next morning, because you wanted to stay near her all night. Just to be close to her was your every desire. Nothing else mattered to you. Remember those days?

I know I do.

This is all she wants. This is what she deserves. She deserves to be seen. She wants to be seen. Why do you think so many girls that grow up in dysfunctional homes dress provocatively? They have a desire to be seen. They were never seen by their fathers as a princess and so their quest to be seen begins. Please don’t let this happen to your little girls, make sure they know their the princess in you life.

Make sure you wife knows she is the queen in your life! Listen here guys. Lets be frank. Every man wants a woman at his feet. But you have to have a commanding presence for her to want to sit at your feet. Commanding not demanding! A big difference! Also (here come the stones) I believe every woman wants to feel safe enough and loved enough to sit at her kings feet. But first you have to be a king, act like a king, and make sure she knows that she is not only seen by you but adored by you.

In short – If you die for her, she’ll live for you!

True Headship and Submission is an allusive mystery to many, but when you understand this principle it is the most beautiful thing in life.

Sound familiar? It should, because it is a biblical principal. Jesus Himself died for us, His bride that we might live for Him!

The Creators Clay


Mr. Religious-Abuser ,

My name is Doug Burrell, co-founder of a ministry that helps women who are married to super religious, super anointed, scripture spouting, pharisaical vipers who are full of dead men’s bones!

If your reading this letter it most likely applies to you. Who in the hell do you think you are treating a precious gift from God the way you do?  I know how you play the game. How you are always faithful in church and how you put on a great smile with everyone you meet. How you are falsely charming to everyone BUT you wife! I know you have the pastor and many others fooled into thinking your the next best thing since sliced bread. Well guess what? I know it’s all a lie! That’s right! Your just a scared little man afraid that everyone will find out who you really are, that’s the reason for the show. Your entire life is an act and you know it! News Flash – The world doesn’t revolve around you, and NO your not special at all!

You tell your wife that she cant live without you, when it’s you who can’t bear the thought of rejection! I know that if and when you wife confronts you or catches you in the act of cowardice or betrayal you promise to never do it again. But it’s only temporary compliance to stave the Out-of-Control feeling that you are experiencing.

At some point if you haven’t already, your going to forbid (I’m laughing) your wife from even seeing her family or some of her friends because you think they are not a good influence (still laughing). You will bar your wife and kids from having any visits with these threatening people, because they are a threat to your plans of total dominance.Yep, just what Jesus had in mind! Shoot, I’m really blowing it!

Furthermore, I know that if your wife asks you to leave that you will become desperate and will call in the troops at church to rally to your side. You will paint the picture of a poor little misunderstood man whose wife is not being godly and forgiving. Or you will convince the troops that she is going through that time of life. This is where the scripture quoting is thrown all over the place! You will even have the audacity to say “I’m the leader of this house.”  What a farce! Some leader you are, abandoning your wife emotionally, physically and spiritually. Not being sacrificial as Jesus says to be. NO your not, you think you are but your not! The fact that your thinking about yourself proves it!

Over the years your wife has forgiven you countless times and yet when she is at her wits end, you and the troops tells her she has to be forgiving! What a slap in the face, are you kidding me? You should just go crawl under a rock and hide somewhere at this point, you big sissy! It is only a fool that returns to his own vomit, and you want her to forgive you? Oh but wait there’s more! I forgot the almighty 70 times 7 verse! Oh what was I thinking? I was thinking she should have left you a long time ago Loser!

I also know that your religion and faith are a farce, because as soon as she leaves you your going to start getting drunk, maybe even smoke pot. You know why? Because it didn’t work. Your religion was phony from the start. If it were real you would not have been treating your wife with such cruelty.

You want your marriage to work? Lead with love not iron. Learn what love really is, love her and cherish her, she deserves it after putting up with your sorry butt. Above all else stop making everything about you, this is what got you into this mess in the first place. Oh, and lastly give your life to Jesus seriously this time. Either do this or lose it all.

Doug Burrell


 

Has anyone but me noticed the commercials on TV that have a husband acting like a child and the wife acting like a mother towards her husband/child? There’s the one where a group of guys are over watching football and the wife comes home and there are dirty footprints on the carpet. The husband makes a lame excuse and later it shows the husband and a friend cleaning the carpet. Like two pouty kids. Or the one where a child of a couple is dropping hints about what it wants and the mom gives the kid everything he wants. So the husband employs the same tactic because he wants to go play golf. His wife flat out tells him no.

 

First, if a husband or wife has to ask either one to do something the relationship is seriously in trouble. Checking with each other out of respect is one thing but asking for permission is wrong. No one gender should have that much authority over the other. These commercials are just another way of attempting to strip away the masculinity of the men. My wife and I both find these repulsive. Why would a wife want to be a mother to her husband. Contrarily speaking a husband should be a preserver of his wife. That means he should consider her in all things he does and thinks.

 

There is a current theme on commercials that have a man acting like a child in relationship to their wife

 

Here one I know you’ve seen.

 

The Dodge Charger ad about women sucking the life out of their men! Literally titled “A Man’s Last Stand,” it features men with dead eyes and sallow complexions reciting in monotone all the things they are forced to do in their lives. Here is some of the list

 

Walk the dog at 6:30 am

 

Shave and clean out the sink after they shave

 

Be at work at 8

 

Sit though two-hour meetings

 

I will say yes when you want me to say yes

 

I will talk your call (Gee thanks!)

 

Listen to YOUR (the mean wife’s) opinions about my friends

 

Listen to YOUR friends’ opinions about my friends

 

I will be civil to your mother

 

I will put the seat down

 

Carry your lip balm (I totally ask Michael to do this)

 

Watch your vampire TV shows

 

Put my underwear in the basket (PLEASE! Really is it that hard!!)

 

“And because I do this I will drive the car I want to drive! Charger: Man’s Last Stand!”

 

Sickening



I knew that title would grab you….

Alas, but it is true. However every man doesn’t deserve a woman at his feet. As a matter of fact some men don’t deserve a woman at all. Some are abusive, inattentive, winy, and immature.

It takes a king to have a queen that wants to sit at his feet because she respects him. This king is confident, wise, protective, and compassionate. His influence is far reaching ans she notices the impact he has on others in his kingdom. His kingdom spreads to wherever he goes because he is a servant to all he meets. He encourages  people everywhere he goes.

He heaps value and worth on his queen, he restores her from past harm by his validation of her. He protects her and attacks anyone who tries to hurt her. Giving her vindication and value. He adorns her with jewels and fine clothing, and proudly walks beside her for all to see.

Yes, a woman wants to sit at a mans feet. However, you must be the right man. You must be a king.  You must also be the right woman.  A lot of women have been damaged by men and would scoff at this idea. In their place I ask you for forgiveness.  It should have never been so. You should have been loved and cherished. Others have been confused by modern idealism. But if they were honest with themselves they would want a king too.

I am not talking about a man being over a woman.  If that’s what your hearing then you are not being honest with yourself either.

Think about it.


Good To Be A Man

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don’t give a rip if someone notices your new haircut.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just too “yucky.”

Same work … more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.

People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”

One mood, ALL the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

Dry cleaners and hair stylists don’t rob you blind.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat. (not so sure about this one…)

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don’t have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.

You can quietly watch a game with a buddy without thinking: “He must be mad at me.”

You don’t mooch off other’s desserts.

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don’t have to shave below your neck.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

Yes, it’s Good to be a Man

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